Today is Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Elmlane

Fred's Views


To Write, or Not to Write

Here I am again, trying to come up with another column for the start of a new month. The end of the month is just one day away - a day in which I will likely not even have time to power up my computer - and I have no idea what to write about!

Should I write another column about Microsoft? Heavens, no. I did read somewhere that Windows XP is installed on 70% of PC's. And this was at least three or four months after Vista had been released. Could Vista really be that unpopular? Could the buying public be finally fed up to the point that they refuse to pay outrageous upgrade prices for a product they don't really need and, as far as I know, offers no compelling reason for its existence? Or did I - or my source - simply get the facts wrong.

No, I'll not write about Microsoft this month. Well then, shall I be a consumer advocate and rail against those manufacturers who design products without actually using them in the real world? Oops, I've already done that.

Perhaps I should get sort of naughty and talk about my theory that there are four basic female body types (it mostly applies to males as well - but I'm not interested in them.) In a nutshell, the majority of women, unfortunately, are rather plain (or worse) in appearance. The remainder are pleasingly attractive. However, the next most populous group are those women who look attractive in the right clothes, but not so attractive in the nude. The next group looks great in the nude, but not so good in clothes (or at least certain clothes). This includes many of the ladies that star in "erotic" movies. Finally, there is that small group who look beautiful no matter what they are wearing - or not wearing. Of course physical beauty is only "skin deep". Well, perhaps this is not the place for such a discussion.

I could alienate even more readers by talking about my theory (as supported by professor Tabor's book The Jesus Dynasty) that modern Christianity has very little in common with the very first "Christian church" led by Jesus' brother James in Jerusalem. For James, the teachings of Jesus were paramount. And his followers considered themselves to be Jewish - although gentiles were welcome if they agreed to certain basic rules. Our modern Christianity is largely a result of the theology of Paul combined with the integration of many pagan festivals and customs. But let's not get too heavy.

No, I really should write something light, amusing, perhaps. But what?

Or I could give an update on my diet. I've lost about 45 pounds (my wife has lost about 28), but the final few pounds to get to our "goals" are proving more difficult. I really should extend my goal, but I have to get to my original goal first.

I regret to say that I have resigned myself to the fact that I can't afford a new car anytime soon, so the ones I have must do. Unfortunately, I just paid about two months new car payments to get the air conditioning fixed on one.

I think I've mentioned before that I am a frustrated writer. Frustrated because I'd like to write, but I hate to invest all that time and effort just to have the manuscript sitting in a file drawer. I know, because I have two manuscripts sitting there already. I have started a number of new novels - not the great Canadian novel, of course, just "pulp fiction". I have this story about an alien that comes to earth to prevent some sort of catastrophic event that distorts the time line. Unfortunately, her ship - her pod - has mechanical problems and she crash lands in a lake. She enlists the help of a young writer and together they retrieve the pod and ... well that's as far as I have gone. Or the young school teacher who learns that she has inherited her late great aunt's estate. As she's cleaning up the house, she discovers old papers that indicate that her great aunt was once in love with a soldier who died shortly after returning from the Second World War. She also stumbles across her neighbor, a handsome young man who just happens to be a great nephew of the soldier. Romance ensues as they attempt to discover the truth about the soldier's death. Alas, it's mainly an idea that has not been committed to paper. I've written a few chapters about a down-on-his luck detective who attempts to prove his client did not kill her husband. And then there's the university professor turned "consultant" who takes on interesting cases with the help of his former student assistant that he can't stop fantasizing about. I find it's easy to start a novel, but hard to complete. I've even considered posting the two novels I have finished on the web site. Might do it yet.

According to my spell checker, I've almost filled up my column - and I still don't know what to write about. One consolation, I think: my spell checker hasn't detected any errors. If you read this, I hope you didn't feel it was a complete waste of time. I'll try for something a little more interesting next time. Have a great summer.


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